hola! i was sent the "ladies" questions with the "mens" answers and couldn't help taking the piss. i put my own version underneath in
green.enjoy!
THE REAL PROBLEM PAGES
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college room mates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My wife won't have a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your wife cannot stand you! Knowing that there is only one of you is bad enough and the only thing worse is your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college room mates involved too? As she is apprehensive, maybe you should be relieved and use the opportunity to beg her for sex. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on her. She'd probably rather cook you a nice meal while you think about it and fuck your closet gay friend wishing it was her.Q: My wife wants to have a threesome with her best friend and me.
A: Obviously your wife cannot stand you! Knowing that her best friend will be there is the only thing that turns her on. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together as you probably aren't getting any anyway. If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let her be with her friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on her, start wearing dresses and cook her a nice meal while you think about the fact you are about to be left for a woman that probably has a bigger dick than you do.Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My wife continually asks me to perform oral sex on her.
A: Do it. Her juices can help you fill your stomach and ensures you will get laid any time. If she has a yeast infection, you literally get to have your cake and eat it too. Interestingly, women know this. Her offer to allow you to perform oral sex on her is not however, totally selfless. This shows she loves you but is sick of cooking. The best thing to do is to thank her by performing it thrice daily: then take her out for dinner.Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My wife says i have too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home but smoke and beer are making your semen taste like shit and she is sick of you "begging for it" and falling alseep half way through instead of bringing her one of those young single girls home so she can get some decent sex for once. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than you being away for a day or two and actually landing her some action. Just look at how emotional she is when you return to your stable home empty handed. The best thing to do when you return is to suggest her best friend perform oral sex on her while you make arrangements to take them both out for dinner.Q: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My wife says i don't know where her clitoris is.
A: You really are an idiot aren't you! No wonder she hates you so much! You mean you never even wanted to find out? The internet and the library are there for a reason! Admit that when she keeps pointing at it that you're wishing you had something stuck up your arse to pay attention and get outta the closet now! If you must mess with your dick, do it in your own time and ask her best friend to help her out. You may wish to give up now and present her with a hooker as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, stop bothering to try and perform oral sex on her and take her and anyone else she wants out for a delicious meal.Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My wife is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Refusing foreplay to women who are uninterested in having sex with you is very stressful and time consuming. Refusing sex should be available to your wife on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your woman as much as you should. She should never have to work to get you out of the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to her by ringing her best friend so perform oral sex on her for you then take them out for a nice meal.Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
Q: My wife always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: You were not invited in the first place so be happy you have been able to keep quiet while you wank in the closet and can pretend you were there while telling the story to no-one who cares later.
